Well, I promised the shop owner, Lando, that I’d do a prerelease primer for Magic: The Gathering’s latest set, Amonkhet, so here it is you savages.

Amonkhet is a gorgeous Egyptian-themed Magic world full of deserts, mummies and symbology devoted to Lex Luthor Nicol Bolas. But most of you probably know all of that, and you’ve likely all seen the complete spoiler at this point, and if you’re familiar with the kind of Magic-related writing I do, you likely understand that I’m not really here to talk to you about strategies or strongest colors or bomb rares to relish in your prerelease pool.

No, no friends! I’m here to announce the launch of the latest Raygun social media entity, We Rate (MTG) Gods.* It’s a hot, up-and-coming Twitter feed** devoted to ranking all the glorious gods of Amonkhet based on strict and scientifically rigorous criteria to help you determine which one of Amonkhet’s five deities would make the best pet to bring home from your local god rescue. Gods will be ranked on a scale from 1-10, with 1 being the least-good and 10 being the goodest. LIke I said, it’s very scientific. I could go into the incredibly technical details of how we developed our patented*** God Scale (TM), but I’ll save you the jargon-y lecture so we can get straight into the rating process! Let’s get started, shall we?

God #2: Oketra the True

Oketra is a pretty not-little kitty cat with 27 words in her text box! That’s some very advanced vocabulary you’ve got there, Oketra! But would such a wordy kitty make a good pet for you and your family? Let’s break it down below

PROS: Clearly box-trained (you can tell by the artwork), hypo-allergenic (again, you can tell by the artwork), probably not too much of a shedder, also v pretty
CONS: Many stories tall (so you’d need a big backyard or some HEFTY vaulted ceilings to house her), only poops out stupid warriors instead of adorable cats, probably makes some really nasty hairballs (refer once more to artwork), difficult to pet b/c large, flow-y robe

GOD RATING: 11/10 it’s hard to say no to an immortal bipedal cat

GOD #2: Kefnet the Mindful

Kefnet is a 90-foot-tall crane-thing with some v intimidating wings and a very tall staff made for bonking dunces in the math classes he’s clearly teaching as a side hustle. Kefnet has 33 words in his text box, which is 32 more words than a dumb birb really needs if you ask me (flying is the ONLY word a birb needs and I WILL FIGHT YOU). I’m gonna tell you right now that Kefnet would not make a great house pet, on account of being gigantic and also birbs are terrible, but I’ll break it down for you below just in case you don’t want to take my word for it.

PROS: NONE
CONS: Birbs have to be written into your will (inconvenient!), a Kefnet-sized birb cage would cost a large fortune, math is dumb, his robe is v plain and boring, feathers everywhere, birb poo everywhere, birbs are seriously terrible

GOD RATING: 2/10 would not recommend as a pet tbh

GOD #3: Bontu the Glorified

Bontu wants you to believe she’s a big scary crocodile but the reality of the situation is that some heartless jerk flushed her down a toilet in Queens when she was a wee-little god-croc and she’s been desperately searching for a forever home ever since. Bontu has 33 words in her text box but unlike that horrible birb monster Kefnet 33 words is a v appropriate amount of words for a giant cuddly crocodile god who is impeccably dressed and whose Instagram photos always look great with her trademark moonlit filter.

PROS: Giant crocodile, great as a home security system/pet combination, v stylish, not a picky eater, likes baths
CONS: Scaly exterior is not great for pets, robe is dry-clean only

GOD RATING: 12/10 she’s a v good crocodile I would def recommend adopting yrself a Bontu

GOD #4: Hazoret the Fervent

Hazoret is a dog-god and a doggone good one at that. She has 28 words in her text box and that is THE PERFECT AMOUNT for a PERFECT ANIMAL. FUN FACT: Hazoret is half-god half-border collie half-golden retriever and all delightful puppy love all the time and I feel like you don’t need me to explain why she’s great but I’ll do it anyway as that’s the job I’m here to do.

PROS: GIANT DOG, v good at fetch, always excited, loves neck scritches, housebroken, v floofy underneath her v stylish dress
CONS: ARF ARF ARF (that’s dog speak for NONE)

GOD RATING: 14/10 WHAT A GREAT DOG/GOD SHE IS

GOD #5: Rhonas the Indomitable

Rhonas is a big cuddly snek and if you don’t believe sneks are cuddly well you’re right but also he threatened me if I didn’t say he’s cuddly SO YES ACTUALLY RHONAS IS V CUDDLY (please don’t hurt me, large snek-god friend). Rhonas likes long slithers on the beach and is prone to flicking his snekky tongue when excited or happy (it’s kind of like purring except waaaaay creepier tbh). Rhonas has 31 words in his text box and that’s cool because 31 is a prime number and I’m kind of just vamping for time here out of fear of snek-god retribution if I don’t make his description as long as his god-piers’ descriptions.

PROS: Makes his own new coat every year via molting, omnivorous, fond of prime numbers, hypnotic glowing green eyes that can be used as a night light when you have to go pee at 2 a.m., other snek things I guess
CONS: THERE ARE MANY BUT I’M NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THEM B/C SNEK COERCION

GOD RATING: 10/10 b/c even at their worst and most threatening sneks are five times gooder than birbs (this is fact)

GOD #6: Sacred Cat

Don’t be fooled by the fact that Sacred Cat’s creature type is “cat” and not “god” as THAT’S JUST A RUSE to throw you off of the true ruler of Amonkhet (which is this cat) (Whose name is Judith Light****, in case you were wondering).

PROS: JUST LOOK AT HER
CONS: NONE

GOD RATING:
/10

So there you have it, folks – your comprehensive guide to this weekend’s Amonkhet prerelease. I’ll be judging all four flights we’re running this weekend (Saturday and Sunday at noon and 5 p.m. – make sure to sign up in advance for a sweet $5 discount on your entry fee), and esteemed Wizards of the Coast employee/spellslinger will be taking on all challengers and handing out prize packs all day Saturday. Cycling is a great limited mechanic and gods make the greatest pets of all (except Kefnet because AGAIN I SAY BIRBS ARE TERRIBLE), and I cannot wait to see you all there.

Yours deliriously,
Margot

*Not a real Twitter, and definitely not owned/created by myself or anyone else at Gamma Ray Games
**Seriously it’s not a real Twitter feed it’s a dumb gimmick I’m using as a through-line joke for this rant
***We def did not patent the God Scale, sorry for the lil’ fib U.S. Patent and Trademark Office
****Not verified as Sacred Cat’s name, but you can’t tell me it isn’t the perfect name for her

Seattle is an epic pinball location. It’s tough to find a bar without at least one machine stashed in the back corner. Raygun Lounge put out the call out to all of our dedicated pinball patrons by offering our first ever tournament. The third Friday in March, thirteen people gathered to show down and maybe win fabulous prizes. Sponsored by Not Your Father’s Root Beer from Smalltown Brewery, the swag on the table included glassware, apparel and various bottle openers.

First, second and third place winners also received store credit and all-important bragging rights. The results of this tournament did not count toward but that didn’t stop our flipper flickers from having fun and meeting new people. Over half the competitors confessed they’d never played in a pinball tournament before. The $2 entry fee and laid back atmosphere gave them the perfect opportunity to try something new. The grand prize winner, Damian Smolko, was one of those first-timers!

The next Raygun Lounge pinball tournament will be Friday, April 28 so mark your calendars. Also check out our website for other fun monthly events such as DonnaTella Against Humanity, Gaymer Night and the Indie Game Industry Mixer!

Another Emerald City Comicon has come and gone but this one was extra-special for an important reason – it was my first! I’m foreign to Seattle just like the horse of a different color isn’t native to Oz. Living here for just over a year, I’m mostly familiar with the wacky Seattle sights and ECCC weekend is no exception. Short of going to the convention center itself, behind the counter at Raygun Lounge might be one of the best places to experience the con. I was granted a front row seat for the nerdtastic conversation and costumery that punctuates any good Comicon.

Curious newcomers and returning friends descended on the Lounge Thursday evening for a multimedia trivia contest hosted by Raygun regular Andrew & his friends. Special guests from Comics Chat with Gat, the Nerdhole, and A Podcast For All Intents and Purposes took turns hosting rounds and stumping teams with obscure knowledge. Eight teams participated during the event and prizes were raffled off between rounds. After the dust settled our first place team was Alternative FAQs, second place went to Ronald Raygun Lounge and third place was claimed by Indiegogo presents Wendigo: Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go: A Tale of Vertigo.

Friday night was a more low key gathering featuring a Queer Comics Mixer hosted by Northwest Press. Sharing the space with our monthly Hearthstone tournament, everyone enjoyed another exciting raffle of prizes and plenty of good times. The easy-going vibe from Friday night was a nice lull before the main event on Saturday – NW Nerd‘s annual costume contest! The Lounge was transformed into a cosplay runway where all the best ECCC costumes strutted their stuff for the masses. Prizes were awarded for a variety of categories pitting fantasy and sci-fi characters against each other for the top spot. Check out the highlights on the .

After a super hectic weekend of comics and community building I have to say ECCC is a blast – and I haven’t even been to the Con yet! I am already looking forward to our next big weekend celebrating Sakuracon April 14th-16th. Stay tuned to our events page for info about parties dedicated to anime and 20 successful years of this unique convention.