If you’re anything like us (which is to say, roughly humanoid in shape, arguably sentient and currently breathing involuntarily) you’ve probably glanced at a calendar sometime in the last quarter, quite possibly around Thanksgiving, noted that Christmas landed on a Sunday this year and said, “F@ck it, I’ll deal with it the week before.”

Well my relatively sentient, roughly bipedal friends, that week before is now actually here. I know. I know. I’m as shocked and bewildered as you. But fear not! We’re here for you!

Every day from now through Christmas itself and beyond, including Christmas Eve this Saturday, we’ll be open from at least noon until at least 10pm for all of your holiday game and gift buying needs. And, as always, we’ll have a wide selection of Pre-Wrapped White Elephant and Secret Santa gifts in clearly marked nerd and geek themes at qualifyingly low prices for all of your desperately-last-minute needs. On your way right now? SO ARE WE! That’s what “conveniently located” means! We’re literally ON THE WAY to that friend-of-a-friend’s party that you didn’t know that you were going to be invited to but are still glad to be going to because you’re still new in town and the Seattle Freeze is all too f@cking real this time of year. And we will hook you up with the evening’s it’s-not-a-competition-but-you’re-still-winningest nerd gift of the night. Oh yes we will. And it’ll be amazingly well wrapped (for free!) to boot!

And we’re still literally the only place in town to buy truly amazing, absolutely one-of-a-kind nerd gifts like Barb paper dolls.

Star Wars earrings.

Questionably licensed lighters!

And more!

But wait! That’s not all! Not only do we hook you up with the sweetest of holiday deals on the amazingest of unobtainium all week prior… but WE ALSO host an annual Christmas Eve celebration to ensure that you get the last minute gifts you need without sacrificing worker safety or well being… AND we also follow Christmas itself with three days of our own unique house blend of holiday sales including…

Boxing Day, December 26

featuring knock out deals like ALL STORE CREDIT IS WORTH 50% MORE ON ALL ITEMS!

Karate Day, December 27

featuring bone shattering deals like ALL PREVIOUSLY OWNED GAMES ARE 50% OFF OF THEIR ALREADY AMAZINGLY LOW PRICES!

and Ninjitsu Day, December 28

featuring deals that roll up on you and smoke you like a blunt like 50% OFF OF ALL PREWRAPPED WHITE ELEPHANT AND SECRET SANTA GIFTS!

So whether it’s right now or the day after, or the day after that, get yer’ butt down here, buy all of the things, have a beer, try out one of our five sweet new pinball games and get yer’ ass in the holiday spirit already! You’ll be warm and mildly intoxicated that you did!

We’ve still got a week more of holidays for you to enjoy and get in on.

December 22, Monday

We’ll be open. All day. That’s a holiday in itself. Right?

December 23, Saint Netrunners Day

This is one of those new fangled holidays that the kids are all into these days. Something about the battle of Saint Eisenstein of the Jesuit Technorati against the dark forces of the Oligarchic Corporatocracy. Or something like that. Anyway, we have the latest data packs in and will be hosting our last Netrunner casual play of 2014 that evening.

December 24, Christmas Eve

A Podcast for All Intents and Purposes‘s Andrew Asplund will be joining me for an evening of mirth and merriment as we cohost our annual Christmas Eve show. We’ll be slingin’ deals, wrapping gifts and making dreams come true all night long. All while performing some of our best comedy and dance routines, like, “Cumberbach was a terrible Khan,” “What ever happened to Castlevania?” and, “Yes, the A-Team was totally a caper show.”

December 25, Christmas

We’ll be with our friends and family. And we hope that you will be too.

December 26, Boxing Day

We’ll be back with hard hitting deals like making All Gift Cards worth 50% More for one day only. Boom.

December 27, Karate Day

Unlike most game stores, or stores in general, we don’t stop at Boxing Day. Oh no. Ohhh no no no. We show proper respect to our brothers in the East with a Buy a New Game and get a Used Game for FREE deal that’ll knock your socks off!

December 28, Ninjitsu Day

But the deadliest of all holidays, is Ninjitsu Day. It just rolls on up and smokes you with deals like All Remaining Prewrapped Gifts are HALF OFF. Yes. It’s all true.

And after all that, we’ll be lucky to just be alive.

As everyone everywhere knows, December 26th is an American holiday named Boxing Day to celebrate Muhammad Ali‘s legendary 1974 victory over Joe Frasier in Zaire’s Rumble in the Jungle.

And, of course, December 27th is named Karate Day to (also known as “Boxing Day” in Hong Kong and “Kung Fu Day” in China) celebrate Gō Fujita’s highly contentious victory over Chen Zhen in Shanghai in 1937, or as it’s known in China, Chen Zhen’s glorious and righteous victory over the evil Japanese oppressors.

But December 28th’s Ninjitsu Day is a mystery. It came out of nowhere like a twilight shadow. One minute it wasn’t there. The next, BAM-O, it just rolled up on the world and smoked like a blunt. A really seriously bloody blunt. Totally unlightable.

In order to celebrate and placate this ancient warrior clan, we will be celebrating this mysterious holiday through mighty discounts. Yes, this Ninjitsu Day, for twelve hours, from 10am until 10pm, all of our Gift Certificates will be worth 25% more. You buy them a $40 gift certificate and they get $50 in store credit on December 28th. So get your gift certificates now and be sure to let their recipients know all about Ninjitsu Day.

This one went out to all of our ninjas in Bruges.